Merry Christmas, Lezard Valeth
by Little Rachael
Summary: Lezard decides to throw a Christmas party. Set in 21stcentury America. Japanese names used. LuciLena, onesided LezaLena, and some hints of LezaMel.
1. The Idea

DISCLAIMERS: I do not own the game Valkyrie Profile or its characters. I am not making any money from this fanfiction.

Valkyrie Profile is owned by tri-ace and Square Enix.

PlayStation 3 is owned by Sony.

"Get the Party Started" is owned by Pink and Lefty Paw Print, LLC.

Lezard had done plenty of strange things in his lifetime, but this was by far the strangest, the most disturbing, and the most unpleasant. One thing he had to admit, however, was that it was not boring.

"And what would you like for Christmas, little girl?" asked the young genius, his voice muffled through the fake beard covering his face.

"Ummm...Let's see," mused the young girl sitting on his lap. His legs were getting numb. Why did the damn kids have to always take so long? Surely they had plenty of time to think it over in the endless line that stretched as far as he could see.

"I want a pony," the girl finally decided. "And some pretty ribbons for my hair." She flipped her blond, curly hair with her hand to demonstrate for him.

"Pretty ribbons for a pretty girl," Lezard chuckled, secretly wanting to gag. Why did little girls always want ponies and ribbons? Lenneth would never ask for something so petty.

_Speaking of Lenneth, _he thought suddenly.

For just across down the hall, walking into Gottschalk's, was Lenneth, the love of his life, walking arm-in-arm with her fiancé, Lucio.

"Your hair is so perfect for the holiday season," Lucio was saying.

"Really?" replied Lenneth. "You think so, Lucio?"

"Yeah." Lucio smiled softly and ran one of his hands through her shimmering, silvery hair. "It's like tinsel, only more beautiful. You're better than any Christmas tree."

Lezard saw Lenneth's cheeks flush just a little bit as reached up and tousled his hair in return. "That's a really nice thing to say, Lucio."

_Oh, she's so gorgeous!_ Lezard sighed loudly as he stared at the female half of the happy couple. _That lucky bastard, Lucio._ _How the hell did he score such a wonderful woman? How is it that I, the smartest, best-looking man in town, am still single?_ It made him sick.

But then, she was so beautiful...He couldn't feel sick while staring at such a lovely woman.

He didn't understand why he was so entranced by her. Maybe it was her silver hair, or her cold blue eyes, or her stern, unyielding personality. Yet even when he saw her smile and warm up around Lucio, his heart was still full of love for her. Or was it lust? Either way, it was a fascination bordering on obsession.

"And I want a PlayStation 3, and...Hey, Santa, are you listening?" a sandy-haired, freckled boy demanded.

"Huh? Yeah, yeah," Lezard answered quickly. "I mean, of course I'm listening, ho ho ho." _God, I hate this job._ "All right now, be a good boy and I'll stop by your house on Christmas Eve! Until then, here's a candy cane!" Lezard reached into the bag next to the giant chair he was sitting in and pulled out a tiny candy cane.

"That's not very big," the boy scoffed.

_I'm about ready to strangle this kid_, Lezard thought as he said, "I have to be fair to the other children! Run along now, little boy!"

And so it went. One by one, Lezard listened to each child's complaints about poor parents and small candy canes until finally, it was almost time for him to go home. Fortunately, this was only a temporary job.

Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of silver. Could it be?

Yes! It was _her_! His beloved Lenneth! His precious silvery-haired goddess!

"Young lady!" he called out before thinking it through. "Would you like to sit on my lap?"

Lenneth and Lucio took one look at him...and took off running.

"Waaaaaiiiiit!" he yelled, but they only ran faster.

He sighed. Why was it that she wouldn't even give him the time of day? He had a sinking feeling the reasons could fill an entire New York Times bestseller.

Things took a turn for the worse when he heard his employer shout, "Hey, you! Valeth! Stop flirting with the customers! You're done for the day, now get lost!"

Lezard groaned as he got out of the chair, much to the dismay of the children (and parents) who had been waiting for over an hour. "Sorry, folks. Show's over."

"Please, can't you just give my kid a turn?" asked the distressed mother at the very front of the line.

"And mine, too?" begged a distraught father holding a screaming baby.

"I'd love to stay and listen to each one of your children tell me what they want for Christmas," Lezard said in the jolliest voice he could muster, "but old Mr. Scrooge over there needs me to get back to the North Pole before I spread too much holiday cheer." Lezard had had enough. He'd rather _make_ something for Lenneth than have to endure one more day of this Hel on earth.

He shook his head. For some reason, every time he envisioned the word "hell," it was always spelled "Hel." It didn't make any sense.

As he was driving home, he mulled over ways he might earn Lenneth's trust. After all, he wasn't a bad guy. Not really. Sure, he was a bit eccentric...and conceited. And he knew he was beautiful; was that such a bad thing? And he was a bit selfish, pursuing Lenneth even though he knew she was engaged. And it was true he wasn't exactly nice to others...

_Jeez,_ he thought, _I'm a loser._ And if that wasn't bad enough, the radio was playing his least-favorite song, "Get the Party Started"...

"That's it!" he cried suddenly, startling himself with the sound of his voice. (His rides home were often very quiet, as he had nobody to talk to.) "I'll throw a party! A Christmas party! A come-as-you-are party! And I'll invite everyone I know!"

The second he got home, he bolted out the door of his car and bolted _in_ the door of his house, scaring his cat in the process. "Sorry, Loki," he said quickly, and ran into his room to dig up that corny Christmas stationary his mother had sent him six years ago.

"Great! I've got enough for everyone! This'll be awesome! This'll be the best Christmas I've ever had! It'll be the first Christmas I don't have to spend with my parents!"

He was visibly excited as he sat down at his desk to write out an invitation to his beloved:

_Dearest Lenneth,_

_It is I, Lezard Valeth. I will be hosting a party this year, and I would be most honored if you would show up._

_It will be a come-as-you-are party. The theme? Christmas! _

_Date: December 21_

_From: As early as you want_

_To: As late as you want_

_Address: 1252 Flenceburg Drive_

_Phone # (RSVP): 611-8221_

_Yours truly,_

_Lezard Valeth_

_P.S. You may also bring your manservant, if you like._


	2. The Invitations

DISCLAIMER: The Discovery Channel is owned by Discovery Communications, Inc. I do not represent Discovery Communications, Inc. and am making no money off this story.

"Manservant!" Lucio paced back and forth angrily. "How dare he! He's the one who sits all alone in that apartment of his performing creepy experiments! He's probably going to die there, all alone, and no one's going to care!"

Lenneth smiled at her lover. She knew that in spite of his fury at being referred to as a "manservant," he was just as curious as she was to see what Lezard was up to. "Now, now, Lucio...I'm sure he has more of a life than that Santa Claus at the mall who was hitting on me." Truth be told, she knew exactly who that Santa Claus had been (Lezard's voice was unmistakeable), and wished to give him a piece of her mind.

"Oh, Platina, I love you," sighed Lucio. He wasn't sure why, but he had the strangest pet name for her. He knew platinum was a kind of silver, so _Platina_ probably referred to her silver hair...but he wasn't sure where he'd heard it.

Of course, Lenneth knew. "I love you too, Lucio," she replied. No matter how many times she was reborn, she never became tired of saying that.

They shared a passionate kiss.

Meltina was enjoying a well-deserved break in front of the TV (turned to the Discovery Channel, naturally) when she heard a knock at the door, a barely audible tapping sound. She knew that knock. She sighed, got to her feet, and walked to the door.

"What do you want?" were the first words out of her mouth as she opened the door to see Lezard standing on her front step.

"Now, Mel, is that really any way to greet an old friend?" Lezard's face, posture, and voice had always seemed deceptively innocent, and Meltina had grown used to seeing him as untrustworthy. "I merely came to invite you to a party I'm hosting...and I would like your help in getting ready. Of course, you will be paid for your trouble."

Meltina snorted. "I'll hold you to that. Anyway, what kind of a party is it? Who all will be there?"

"Oh, some people you know...like your good friend Lenneth, her beau Lucio, and our dear old teacher, Lorenta..."

"Lorenta!? Why the hell are you inviting her?"

"Now, that's no way to talk about our teacher," Lezard said, pushing his glasses up on the bridge of his nose (he always did that even when he didn't need to. Probably just trying to look important, Meltina figured). "I'm sure she'd be positively _delighted_ to see us. After all, I was her favorite student."

"I think you've got things a little backwards, four-eyes," Meltina scolded. "If I remember correctly, you were the one student she said she could not deal with."

"That just means she was overwhelmed by my genius. You, on the other hand, were a workaholic...and yet an underachiever."

Bringing up her number-two status at the university was the one thing that really pissed Meltina off. Flames flew up around her body as she stared into those smug eyes.

"LEAVE...MY...HOUSE...NOW!" she fumed. Damned if she was ever going to help him with anything again!

Lezard sighed in resignation. She was a stubborn one...but then, that was what made her so adorable. She reminded him so much of Lenneth, which was why he couldn't leave her alone. Of course, Lenneth was colder than Meltina...

But enough of this. If Meltina was going to be that way, there was nothing he could do about it.

He shuddered suddenly, thinking he'd felt this way before...Why couldn't he remember?

Meltina was starting to get impatient. "Don't just stand there, idiot! I said leave! Don't make me call the police!"

"All right, all right," Lezard relented, backing up a few steps. "But if you feel like showing up, Mel...it's from six to nine—maybe later—on the 21st. I would be quite pleased if you would come."

And with a slightly exaggerated bow, Lezard Valeth turned on his heel and walked out the door.

Meltina stormed back to the living room and plopped herself back onto the couch. _I hate that asshole!_ she thought as she watched a special on those Christmas Island red crabs that they seemed to play every single year.

Meanwhile, a few houses down the way, a fat, lazy, drunk old man was lying on the couch watching the same TV show as Meltina...and he was not happy.

"Lorenta!" he bellowed, hoping his daughter-in-law would hear him. The last thing in the world he wanted to do was move. Especially after all those pork rinds he'd eaten. "Lorenta, come and change the channel!"

Lorenta was upstairs cleaning the bathroom when she Jake's yell. About a half an hour ago, he'd asked her to change it to the Discovery Channel because one of his buddies had told him they'd be showing one of those specials with topless women. Apparently there was something less arousing on now.

"Lorenta!" he whined again, louder this time. "Get down here and change the channel! This is boring!"

"Hold on!" Lorenta shouted back. "I'm coming!" She set down her cleaning supplies and began to run down the stairs.

It had been tough ever since her husband's mother had died and his retired father had come to live with the two and their son, Loren.

Loren and Lucas, her husband, were on a father-son road trip and would be back on the 22nd, just in time for Christmas. She was happy that they were able to spend some quality time together, at a time when most children were so estranged from their parents, so she had agreed to their getaway. But now she had to take care of the worthless pile of flesh she called her father-in-law by herself. Her mother-in-law had been so kind. She'd always secretly thought she was too good for Jake...

"Lorenta! What's taking so long?"

Lorenta sighed and opened the door to the living room. "I'm sorry, Jake. I've just got so much to do..."

"Hey, hey, hey," Jake said, shaking his finger at her. "None of that 'Jake' stuff. We're family. You can call me 'Dad.'"

Calling this poor excuse for a human being "Dad" made Lorenta sick. But she simply smiled and said, "All right, Dad." _I really need a vacation_, she thought.

The answer to her prayers came in the form of one of her ex-students.

_Tap, tap, tap._

"Lorenta, why don't you answer that?" Jake suggested. "I'm sure it's for you."

Lorenta had a feeling her father-in-law was right. She had heard that knock before, but she couldn't remember where...Her memory came rushing back to her as soon as she opened the door.

Lezard Valeth grinned at her. "It has been a while, dear teacher."

Lorenta sighed. "Good evening, Lezard. How have you been? Is there something you want from me?"

-----

Expect part three on Sunday, Dec. 17!


	3. The Party

"Thank you for helping me put all this together," Lezard said as he pulled a tray of freshly-baked cookies from the oven. It was 5:30 on the 21st. Lorenta had been helping him decorate all week. "I really couldn't have done it without you, Ms. Lorenta."

Lorenta smiled. "I enjoyed it, actually. I haven't been able to do this kind of thing for a while...You know, my husband's always so busy with work and everything. I get so lonely sometimes. It's like he just doesn't have time for me anymore."

Lezard's response was blunt. "So divorce him."

Lorenta laughed heartily. "Oh, Lezard, you're so...Wait, you're serious?"

"Well, yeah," Lezard went on. "I mean, if he's not giving you the attention you want, then why stay with him?"

Lorenta shook her head and sighed. "I suppose you wouldn't understand, Lezard, but when you love somebody, you don't just quit when the going gets tough. You stick with them. He's been good to me, and he's working so hard so he can support me. I love him, he loves me, and that's all that matters." She surprised herself upon saying that, for she, too, had forgotten what was important.

"Hmmm..." Lezard pondered that for a moment, then shrugged. "I suppose that makes some sort of sense...but like you said, I would not know. I have never been in love with anybody before." This wasn't exacty true, but Lezard didn't feel like telling his former teacher the only love he'd felt was unrequited.

The doorbell rang.

"Oh, that must be Lenneth!" Lezard squealed and ran downstairs, scaring his cat in the process. "Sorry, Loki...Oh." Lezard was unable to hide his disappointment.

It was Frey and Odin.

"Welcome." Lezard bowed deeply and gestured inside. "You are a bit early...I was not expecting anyone yet." Truth be told, he didn't know Frey too well; only that she was a friend of Lenneth's. For some reason, whenever he was around her husband, he always felt a strange combination of anger and fear...

"HEY! Can we come in?" Frey was yelling. "It's freezing out here!" Actually, Frey could be pretty scary, too.

"Of course you may." Lezard stepped aside to let the couple inside. "Help yourself to anything you see." He saw Odin and Frey exchange somewhat surprised glances. "It's fine, really. I have my former teacher here to make sure I don't get carried away." He grinned, hoping his guests would grin back. They didn't.

After a few awkward, silent minutes (Lorenta tried to strike up a conversation, but Odin was completely silent and Frey seemed to have trouble warming up to the other woman), the doorbell rang again.

Lezard shot out of his seat, scaring Loki (who was not taking kindly to Odin's presence), and ran down the stairs to the door. "Hello?" he panted as he opened the door.

"Why, Lezard," said Ahly as she walked through the door with Aluze, "I didn't know you were so excited to see me."

Lezard groaned. He had invited Lenneth's sisters, and he had no problem with Silmeria showing, but he had secretly hoped Ahly would be busy. He had invited Aluze for old time's sake, although the two were barely on speaking terms.

"I see you two came together," Lezard commented, trying to keep the subject light. "Are you seeing each other?"

"Of course not." Hrist handed her jacket to Aluze for him to hang up. "He's a tenant of mine. He doesn't have a car, so when I found out he was going to the same party I was, I offered to drive him." As she spoke, another car started heading up the driveway. "Oh, I think that's Lenneth's car," she mused as she peeked outside.

Lezard, who had just reached the top of the stairs, sped down them again, knocking over Aluze as he was walking up the stairs, so that the two of them rolled down together and hit the floor with a violent _Crash!_

"Frickin' pretty-boy klutz," Aluze muttered as he got up from the floor. "If you're so damn smart, why the hell do you act so stupid?"

Lezard ignored Aluze's rudeness and stuck his head out the door. "Lenneth? Is that you?"

His heart sank when he saw not Lenneth, but her sister Silmeria, with Rufus, Alicia, and Dylan in tow.

"So glad you could come tonight," he mumbled as he let them in. He looked out the window and sighed. Would his beloved goddess not be coming after all?

"Hey, what's wrong?" asked Alicia.

Silmeria smiled. "You're sad because my older sister hasn't shown up, right?" She patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry. Lenneth said she'd be coming...with Lucio, of course."

"Well, there's no reason to be so down about it," Aluze told him. "At least she's coming."

No sooner had Aluze spoke than the doorbell rang again. Then, before Lezard could get to the door, it opened and Meltina walked in, followed by Lucio and...Lenneth!

"Sorry," Lenneth said. "Lucio's car broke down, and I'd let Silmeria borrow mine...Fortunately, we got a hold of Meltina and she said she'd give us a ride."

Lezard had never felt so happy. "Lenneth, I am deeply honored you could make it." And he gave a low bow.

"Yeah, yeah." Lenneth seemed unimpressed by Lezard's (honest for once) flattery. "So anyway, I brought some cookies and—"

"Just a moment," Lezard interrupted, and a devilish twinkle appeared in his eye. "Do you recognize what is hanging on my door?"

Lenneth looked to see an all-too-familiar white plant hanging innocently from the door frame. "Oh, sh—"

Before she could say anything else, Lezard moved in close to her face and planted a kiss on her right cheek.

He chuckled as her beautiful face flushed, and he thought the effect was very cute. "I promised myself I'd be good this year," he said coyly. "Merry Christmas, Miss Lenneth."

"Y...Yeah," Lenneth muttered, rubbing her cheek. "Th-thank you."

"Hey!" Lucio yelled angrily. "What do you think you're doing?"

Lezard regarded him calmly. "Are you jealous? Would you like one, too?"

"Of course not!" Lucio scoffed, shutting the door behind him. "Now let's go find some place to put these cookies!"

_Good,_ Lezard thought. _I don't know what I would've done if he'd said yes._

By the time they returned to the living room, the party was already in full swing. Meltina, much to Alzue's delight, had brought alcohol, and he and Ahly were already toasted. Odin and Rufus were getting there. Silmeria and Alicia were chatting like old friends, and Frey was doing what looked suspiciously like hitting on Dylan.

"That reminds me," he said suddenly. "Lezard, you did invite Brahms, didn't you?"


	4. The Surprise Guest

DISCLAIMER: "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" is owned by J.K. Rowling and either Scholastic Books or Warner Bros.--I'm not sure which. Dungeons and Dragons is owned by Wizards of the Coast, Inc., a subsidary of Hasbro, Inc.

At this point in time I'd like to thank Lezard Valeth for reviewing every single one of my chapters so far. I'm sure the real Lezard Valeth would have also pointed out the errors in the previous one (which I will fix, by the way), and I appreciate his support. :) In fact, I've been pretending all this time that it _is_ the real Lezard Valeth...sad, I know.

Lezard coughed. "Well...he doesn't really seem like the type...You know, the partying type. And I don't know where he lives."

Silmeria and Dylan looked at each other.

"Well..." Silmeria began. "It's that Brahms..."

"...really, _really_ hates being left out," Dylan finished. Silmeria nodded.

"What's going to happen if he finds out I didn't invite him to my party?" Lezard asked nervously.

Silmeria shivered. "Something _scary_ will happen. After all, he is a vampi—"

Dylan looked at her and shook his head.

"Tell me what's going on," Lezard demanded. "Did you say Brahms is a vampire?"

Dylan and Silmeria both laughed loudly. Alicia and Frey, who had been listening to the conversation, joined in.

"A vampire? What an imagination!"

"Vampires don't exist, Lezard."

"Next you'll be saying that dragons, elves, and mermaids exist!"

"You've been playing too many of those role-playing games."

Lezard had a feeling something was going on, but was prevented by Odin (who was now quite drunk) from finding out more.

"You know," he slurred as he staggered over to Lezard and (much to Lezard's disdain) put an arm around his shoulder, "that Brahms is one creepy guy. I still shudder to think about what he did when I didn't invite him to my Halloween bash..."

"_Don't_ bring that up," Frey interrupted him. "None of us want to remember that, and I'm sure Lezard doesn't want to hear about it."

Lezard was about to protest when a cold wind blew in from the chimney and blew out the fire. A large pile of snow fell onto the smoldering ashes.

"It's hiiiiim!" screamed Rufus, running over to Alicia and hugging her tight.

Lucio jumped in front of Lenneth to shield her from the evil that was about to appear. Ahly grabbed Aluze and the two of them bolted for Lezard's linen closet. Meltina and Lezard stayed where they were, completely clueless.

A black, booted foot stepped down into the fire place, followed by another. There was a muffled cough, followed by the strained grunts and pants of a large man trying to pull himself through a cramped space.

"Help," said a panicky voice.

Meltina walked over to the fireplace, grabbed the boots, and began to pull. "Lezard," she yelled, "come help me!"

"Uh...sure," Lezard muttered. He put his hands on Meltina's waist and began to pull.

"Not there, you moron!" she snapped. "Pull _him_, not me!"

"They're like some sort of wacky couple," Lucio whispered to Lenneth, who nodded.

"I've always hoped those two would end up together," she sighed, "but it might have just been wishful thinking. If he ended up with someone else, maybe..."

"Maybe?" Lucio prompted. But she didn't say anything more. And what did she mean by "someone else"?

Lezard and Meltina (with the help of Rufus, Dylan, and Silmeria) finally managed to pull the huge man free of the chimney. The six of them fell back from the momentum and landed in a heap.

The potbellied stranger rose to his feet. "Thank you, kids...My big belly gets me into trouble sometimes."

Indeed, he had a very large stomach that jutted out past his chest. He was dressed in red and white faux fur, and he had a long white beard and spectacles on his nose.

"Santa?" everyone gasped.

"That's not Santa!" Odin shouted. "That's...!"

As they all got a closer look, they noticed that "Santa's" hair was long and wild, and that his eyes were glowing a disturbing shade of red.

"Brahms!" everyone yelled.

Indeed, the king of the vampires had come to pay them all a Christmas visit.

"Lezard," he said, "you're getting coal in your stocking for not inviting everyone's favorite vampire to your party."

Lezard sighed. "Sorry, Brahms...I didn't know you liked parties so much. And where the Hel do you live, anyway?"

"In the section of town called 'The Underworld.' I'll write down my address for you."

"Hold on a minute!" Frey interrupted. "How do we know you're not going to pull any more shenanigans like at Halloween?"

Brahms gazed at her sadly. "I admit, I have no tolerance...I'd drunk too many bloody Marys because I was just so disappointed that dear Odin wouldn't invite me."

"I wonder whose fault that is?" Odin grumbled. "You haven't exactly been nice to me...stealing Silmeria, making me look like the bad guy..."

"What are you talking about?" Lezard asked. "And why do you always call yourself a vampire?"

Brahms shrugged. "It's just part of my character. You ever play D&D, Lezard?"

"Oh, yeah!" he answered excitedly. "We should do a campaign some time!"

"Hey!" Alicia's voice interrupted their conversation. "It's Christmas. Shouldn't we do something...I dunno, Christmas-y?"

"I'm glad you asked," Lezard replied with a huge grin on his face. "I was going to do a Chinese gift exchange, but I realized I forgot to ask everyone to bring gifts on the invitations. Because I'm so thoughtful and generous, I got presents for everyone. So would everyone please come forward and draw a number from this hat."

Everybody (including Aluze and Ahly, who had finally come out of the closet) eventually came forward to draw a number; unfortunately, by the time Lenneth arrived, she found there were no numbers left.

"Oh...sorry about that." Lezard's cheeks turned pink. "You see, I didn't know Mel was coming, and Brahms sort of appeared out of nowhere. But don't worry, dear Lenneth. I have something _special_ for you...and I'll try and find something for Lucio, too," he finished lamely. He coughed, then announced, "All right, will number one please come forward."

Ahly came forward again and looked Lezard in the eye. "I'm number one. Now give me my present."

"Here you go," said Lezard Valeth, and he gave her the present marked _1._

"So, uh...do I open it?" Ahly looked doubtfully at the present he had given her. It looked like a book. Ahly wasn't too big on reading.

"Yes, please do." Lezard knew what it was, and tried not to laugh at her disdainful expression.

Ahly slowly unwrapped the gift, and groaned when she saw what book it was. "_Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone_? Of all the lame, overrated books, you had to give me this?"

Lezard wasn't too fazed by Ahly's complaints. He knew he'd never be able to find a gift she'd like, so he hadn't worried too much about it. "Why not try it? By the way, in the UK its title is _Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone_. The Philosopher's Stone is an important element in many video games and fantasy stories. In most cases, it's needed to—"

"Right, right, I don't care," Ahly interrupted, and returned to her seat.

_God, what a bitch_, Lezard thought. "All right then, who's number two?"

Aluze stood up and sauntered over to where Lezard was standing. "That would be me."

Lezard picked up the package marked _2_ and handed it to Aluze. "Ooh, this is a good one. I made it myself."

"What is it?" asked Aluze as he turned it over in his hands. "Some kind of statue?" He peeled off the wrapping paper to reveal a beautiful metal figurine of a woman in a dress, armor, and a feathered helmet.

"It's a valkyrie," Lezard explained. "I've always been really into Norse mythology. Simply put, valkyries were responsible for gathering the souls of the dead and sending them to their respective places of—"

"Okay, okay," said Aluze. "You could have stopped at 'It's a valkyrie.' I know what they are, 'cause Ahly's into that stuff too. I don't know what I'm going to do with this. I suppose I could give it to..." He stopped what he was saying as he looked more carefully at the statue. "Hmmm...Looks like you modeled it after Lenneth." And Lezard blushed.

"Number three," he said hastily, not wanting anyone to say anymore about his obsession with the silver-haired maiden.

"That's me!" chirped Alicia, who skipped over to Lezard. She loved Christmas, and this was the most fun she'd had all day. Rufus was taking advantage of his break from work to sleep in until three everyday, while Alicia was always awake at 10. So far, the holiday season had been a little boring.


	5. The End

TRIVIA: Kudos to Lezard Valeth for recognizing the reference to Metallic Lenneth, an item from Valkyrie Profile 2. :p

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Disclaimers will be at the bottom of the page this time.

Lezard smiled. Finally, someone who was really into this. He handed her the package marked _3_. "Here you go, my dear."

Alicia eagerly took the gift and unwrapped it. "Wow! Rufus, it's _Katamari Damacy!_"

"No kidding?" Rufus pranced over and took the game from Alicia. "Whoa, hey, that's awesome!" He grinned at Lezard. "Hey, thanks a lot! Alicia and I've been dying to try out this game for months now!" He leapt forward and gave Lezard a big hug, causing the two of them to go crashing to the ground.

"Oh, Rufus, you've had too much to drink," Alicia sighed, and pulled him to his feet.

Lezard staggered to his feet, pausing to adjust his glasses before resuming the gift exchange. "Okay...Number four?"

"That's me," answered Dylan, and stood up with Frey still clinging to his arm. "Come on, Frey...Odin will get mad."

"It's okay," Frey giggled. "We have an open relationship."

"Well, I don't," Dylan said, and finally managed to pry her away from him. "So, what's my present?"

"Hold on." Lezard knelt down to pick up the package with the _4_ sticker on it. "Here you go, Dylan."

Dylan unwrapped the package. "Oh, wow, a _Pulp Fiction_ DVD! You know, I'm a huge fan of Samuel L. Jackson and I've been meaning to see this movie, but I can't find it anywhere. Thanks a lot."

Lezard sighed with relief. Dylan was a nice guy (and kind of scary), and the last person he wanted to disappoint, besides Lenneth. "All right, then. Number five?"

"That's me!" announced Silmeria. "What's my present?"

"Um..." Lezard's face turned red again. Truth be told, he hadn't been able to afford very many presents, so most of them were things he used to own. He worried that Silmeria might get the wrong idea with this one...

He handed her the gift marked _5_ and stepped back. "It's, uh...not what you think," he stammered as she opened it.

Silmeria stared in shock about the gift he'd given her. "A whip?" She looked at Lezard and repeated, "A whip?"

"I, uh...used to play cowboys and Indians when I was little," he explained sheepishly. "I thought maybe some of you 'creative' couples might want it..."

"That just makes you sound like a pervert," Lenneth informed him.

"Well, yes, I'm sorry about that..." This was not going the way he'd hoped. "I was actually running out of presents, so I just gathered up some of my old toys—not _those_ kind—"

"Right, right, we understand," Silmeria interrupted. She cracked the whip a couple times, startling poor Loki as she did so. "Actually, I could have some fun with this..."

An awkward silence settled over the room.

Lezard coughed. "Well, then...Who's number six?"

"That's me," answered Santa Brahms in his gruff voice.

Lezard tried not to laugh as he handed Brahms his gift. "I hope you like it."

Brahms slowly unwrapped the present, taking care not to shred the paper with his sharp claws. He knew what it was as soon as he caught a glimpse of yellow "fur" and a red circle. "A Pikachu doll. How cute. I'll give it to my daughter."

The thoughts of the other guests could be seen on their faces.

..._Daughter?_

_Did he just say what I think I said?_

_Who would want to have kids with that guy?_

_Damn, he's taken._

"Number seven," Lezard said quickly.

Frey stood up. "I'm number seven. And Odin's eight."

"No, I'm 42!" Odin blurted out, then laughed.

Lezard handed them the gifts marked _7_ and _8._ "Here you are. Enjoy."

Within seconds, Frey had unwrapped the tiny gift. It was a keychain with a chibi Sephiroth at the end.

"Everyone seems to like that guy," Lezard explained, "although I still think he's overrated."

"Freeeeey," whined Odin. "Help me get this open."

Frey sighed and unwrapped the present for him. "There you go, Odin. Careful or you'll break it."

Odin looked at the gift and giggled. "Valkyrie Profile 2! I've been wanting to try this game! Frey, will you play it with me?"

"Sure," Frey agreed. "I've heard this is a really good game...although not as good as the first one."

Alicia looked at Rufus and smiled. "I dunno...I kind of liked the second game." Rufus blushed.

"Okay..." Lezard looked at the clock. It was getting late; he'd better hurry. "Okay, the rest of you can come forward now," he announced, picking up the gifts marked _9_, _10_, and _11_. The last of them were Rufus, Meltina, and Lorenta.

"Ooh, I got a big package," Rufus said happily. Some of the more immature guests snickered.

It was a VCR.

"What the heck is this?" asked Rufus. "Do you put stuff in it? Is it some sort of packaging device?...Oh, it's a VCR. Damn, haven't seen one of those in a while. Thanks, although I don't know what I'm going to do with it."

Lorenta's gift was Silly String. "Oh, how lovely. I haven't played with this in a long time. My husband is really into stuff like this..."

Another awkward silence descended upon the room.

Meltina's gift was the _first_ Valkyrie Profile. "Wow, Lezard...This is a pretty rare game. You sure you want to part with it?"

Lezard nodded. "I've played it a thousand times, gotten all three endings, beat the bonus stage 20 times. If I ever feel nostalgic, I'll pay you a visit," and he gave her a sly little wink.

Meltina blushed. Why was it that no matter how much of an idiot he was, he could always affect her this way? "Yeah, stop by if you want. I'll let you in if I feel like it."

He smiled, a genuine smile this time. "Always the same old honest Mel."

"Oh, jeez, look at the time!" exclaimed Lenneth. "I can't believe it's almost 10...Lucio and I have to get up early tomorrow! We've got _tons_ of shopping still left to do." She laughed. "I love this time of year."

Frey nodded. "I can't stay any longer, either. As you can see, Odin has no tolerance, and I need to drive him home before he drinks any more."

"I need to get home before my father-in-law starts to worry," Lorenta sighed. _Only a little longer_, she reminded herself.

"I have to study," said Meltina. "There's a really big exam I'll be taking at the beginning of the year."

"I don't like to drive late at night," Silmeria said. "I'm taking Alicia and the others home now."

One by one, they each gave an excuse to leave. It made Lezard feel pretty crappy.

"So..." he began. "Did you all, uh...have fun?"

"Oh, yeah!" Alicia answered. "I had loads of fun!"

"It wasn't bad," Frey admitted. "Although I can't say much for your choice in gifts."

"The booze was good," said Aluze, and Ahly nodded. She didn't say any more because she was too engrossed in her new book.

"And you, Lenneth?" Lezard asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

Lenneth smiled. "I had a wonderful time. You've really changed since I first met you. You're still the same narcissistic, egotistical, covetous Lezard underneath, but..."

_Ouch_, Lezard thought. _She doesn't pull punches._

"...you're trying hard to be nice, and we all appreciate it."

Lezard was about to express his gratitude when Lucio interrupted the conversation.

"Lenneth," he whispered, "we're standing under the mistletoe."

Lenneth looked up and chuckled. "So we are."

And right before Lezard's eyes, the two of them shared a long, loving kiss, their arms wrapped tightly around each other in a warm embrace.

As Lezard watched, he understood more than ever that Lenneth would never be his. He felt sad, but he also remembered what Lorenta had told him: If you love someone, you stick with them. He could never hate Lenneth, even if she chose that pansy over him.

"Well," he said to the happy couple, "I wish you good luck in life...and if you ever want to stop and pay me a visit, you can. I'll be..." He gulped nervously. "...good." When he said that word, he felt as if a big weight had been lifted of his chest. He felt..._happy._

Lenneth nodded, a warm glint in her eye. Lezard was taken aback, for this was the first time she had ever looked at him that way.

"I think," she said slowly, as if choosing her words carefully, "in your next life you may not be cursed with unrequited love." She smiled again. "Merry Christmas, Lezard Valeth."

And without another word, she and Lucio walked out the door, leaving Lezard with a renewed Christmas spirit.

THE END

DISCLAIMERS: _Katamari Damacy_ is © NAMCO BANDAI Games. _Pulp Fiction_ is © Quentin Tarantino and Miramax Films. Pikachu is © Satoshi Tajiri and Nintendo. Sephiroth is © Square Enix, Inc.


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